The Decision-Ending It All

This blog is a part of a three-part series, it will give the reader an inside look at my journey to home ownership. I am sharing this to help those who battle with trusting God and having faith that He will work it out. Thank you for taking this journey with me and please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss this!

On Sunday, July 14, 2019, I decided it was time to end my marriage. We have been married almost nine years and the marriage was empty, just two people coexisting. I often hear people say you should stay and work it out but that takes two people; not one person praying it’ll get better and the other carrying on like nothing is happening around them. There are many reasons I could use to justify leaving my marriage but in the end it all came down to one thing…. I needed to choose me. I needed to choose the things I wanted for my life. I needed to choose my happiness and that’s exactly what I did. I chose me.

Many didn’t understand how I could go from planning a ten-year vowel renewal to ending it all in the blink of an eye, but it really wasn’t for them to understand. They weren’t me; they didn’t understand how I could be so selfish. Many thought I wasn’t serious because I had said it so many times before. I guess they would just have to see. I wasn’t sad, upset, mad, or confused I was just done. I had grieved my failing marriage enough. I just couldn’t cry anymore. There was no ill-will, just finality. It was over and I was okay with that.

Monday, July 15, 2019, I felt a bit overwhelmed; not only did I decide to end my marriage but I had also decided to move my children and I into an extended stay hotel. I sat on the side of the bed and searched for different alternatives but the truth was, I had no one. We couldn’t go stay with family, all my friends lived rather far away from where we needed to be, so the only logical choice would be to move into an extended stay hotel.

Sitting on side of the bed I felt the need to pray; to ask God for guidance and protection, to ask God for forgiveness and peace. I also felt the need to pray for my husband, to pray for his protection and success. I prayed that he finds peace and that he finds his way in this world; I prayed for his happiness because we all deserve that.

I knew this journey was going to be hard and not everyday was going to be good but I was ready. I was ready for all to come. I talked to my oldest son to let him know what I had decided and I asked him to think about it and come talk to me. I make it a priority to talk to my children about major decisions because it affects them just as much as it affects me, they are not just children, they are people with feelings and emotions, and their emotional well-being is always my concern. Once my son thought it over, he came to me and said he understood. He had some questions and I answered them all. We are a family; we are it and when one is down, we are all down.

Welcome to Operation Fresh Start!